Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Note to self: don't eat crappy store bought cupcake

I'm writing this because I am struggling at work today. I am extremely turned off by vegetables today (it took me about 15 minutes to eat a half cup of coleslaw because it was so insanely unappetizing and I want to die at the thought of eating my lentil/carrot soup for lunch).

And there are some birthday cupcakes sitting about 10 feet away from me, right in my eye line.

They are really gross looking - small and dry and totally chemical-looking. And they are chocolate cupcakes (I really don't like chocolate cake, prefer vanilla or yellow cake).

But. The sugar. I want it. I'm freaking out about it! I've been sitting here for 45 minutes reasoning with myself that it is totally not worth it. I have some beautiful sea salt dark chocolate at home (our weekly bar!) that I can have tonight. It will be delicious and it is made of real food, not chemicals.

I have to put this down on "paper" to remind myself what I value. Momentary carb/sugar high is NOT on the list of priorities.

But I am struggling a little as I feel queasy and disgusted with my food, haha.

Using the blog as an accountability tool today!! Making me saying no to the cupcake-that-isn't-worth-it a little more real than just in my head. No throwing my hands up in frustration at 3 PM and digging in.

Otherwise things are going well. Still managing my anxiety, it peaks at times but I am getting a hold of it (though it probably won't be till after the ultrasound that I get much TRUE relief). My weight is holding steady around 126 right now (which seems insane because I am eating pretty much constantly! And like I said, I was pretty much a sloth this past weekend compared to normal.). I feel good and healthy if you remove the fatigue from the situation.

Okay :) No cupcake for me. But totally going to eat chocolate tonight after dinner! No question about it. Chris is making beef burgers (got awesome grass fed beef on sale) with Brussels sprouts for dinner. I'm asking for an egg on top of my burger, too (so hungry, duh).

Hm. Definitely pretty much only thinking about eating and sleeping lately. Sorry about that! I'm sure you can understand :) I am making an effort to stay as active as I can right now, but sleep/rest has definitely been a priority.

Namaste <3

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