Monday, April 29, 2013

Remembering the pain of obesity...

This might be a little TMI, but I am going to post it anyway, because it's relevant to my goals and plans. It made me remember what life used to be like and how my body used to feel when I was obese.I ate pretty normally and well yesterday. Had a flax milk/strawberry/banana drink (made it myself with just those ingredients), had a late brunch of eggs and a strip of bacon, a bunless burger with avocado/tomato/pickles for dinner, then 200 calories of coconut milk ice cream as a treat..... and then the trouble started.

I was just at home, enjoying quiet time with Chris, and my body started rebelling in a way it hasn't done in a long, long time. The last time I remember being in that much pain, having to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes, was when I ate WAY too much dairy and my slightly lactose intolerant body freaked out.

I was in pain for a long time last night. My body was gurgling and complaining for hours.


I've eaten all the foods I listed before, many times. The coconut milk ice cream is something I ate ~once a week last summer to keep me away from dairy ice creams.

I did take an allergy medicine yesterday, which is the only other odd thing I ingested (I never take any medicines... aspirin at the most, so maybe? but it seems unlikely allergy medicine caused it). I was pretty upset last night, stomach troubles like that are a thing of the past for me!

It got me to thinking about life before "the change" ;)

Not only was I overweight/obese for most of my young life/teenager-hood/early 20s.... but WOW, the problems that came along with it SUCKED. These are some of the things I dealt with in those years, things that plagued me and made me uncomfortable, sad, and pained on a daily basis. I didn't know what it was to feel healthy:

- intense hip pain on my left side
- back pain
- trouble sleeping (from lack of physical tiredness???)
- liver pain from eating too much fat (I had an ultrasound because the pain was so bad... I remember they had me drink water before the ultrasound and I was so unused to drinking water, I found it disgusting. Turns out I had fatty deposits my liver was working too hard to clear out causing the pain... gross).
- intense and constant gastrointestinal pain (to the point I would miss out on social/family things because my stomach was too upset.... having a toilet available was always more important)
- terrible menstrual cramps that would last for days and irregular periods (never knew when they were coming, and they would last anywhere from 3 days to two weeks!)

That's all over now. I have regular and predictable periods, sleep just fine (unless I am stressed out from life stuff), no more hip pain (which is a freaking miracle to me based on how INTENSE that pain used to be), no back pain, no liver pain, and -- since I adopted a paleo-ish lifestyle -- no more GI problems. In my late 20s/early 30s, I finally know what it is to have health and to live without pain.

Which is why last night was strange. Really strange. And it brought up memories of the past, where it was a normal thing to be in a fetal position on my bed working through GI pain.

I know what it was like to be fat, to be truly unhealthy. The memory of that is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow as far as eating well and staying active.

It was so sad, really, really sad. I was too young and lost so much of my childhood to the pain of obesity (physically and emotionally). Last night just brought those memories flooding back.

Never again will I hurt myself like that.

Namaste <3

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