Saturday, September 21, 2013

One year

This weekend last year, my dad passed away. It was unexpected, sudden and heart breaking. I miss him just as much today as I did the day I knew he was gone.

But I'm thriving. I am living in his house, taking care of his dog, and honoring his memory by living as deeply and fully as I can.

His house is updated, clean, open and warm. His dog is as happy as ever - super healthy, always hiking, and playful as can be. And I, his daughter, am still healing and still sad but better. The grief isn't as painful, it is more just there reminding me I miss him and wish he was here to see how we've all grown.

I am married now, and my then fiance proved to me what a perfect, wonderful match he is for me by standing firmly by my side, protecting me and helping me this past year. He made it possible to heal.

Last year, there was despair and depression.

A year later, there is bittersweet joy.

But there is life, always life.

I filled my house last night with friends - we provided beer and snacks and played games. Hours of smiling and laughing that was a perfect way to start a weekend like this. A weekend last year that I wish had never happened.

There is peace coming, acceptance coming.

As in all things, patience and time is required to fully understand.

Last year, I could not imagine feeling this type of happiness. But it is here and it is now. It is a different happiness than the carefree, wandering, no responsibility happiness of years past. Now there is pride. I am proud of myself for being where I am now.

I love you, dad, I miss you.

A picture of my parents on their wedding day that I put up at my wedding reception :)

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